It seems winter forces a period of reflection. We tend to make “seasonal” decisions with the mental acuity of the Village Idiot.  I believe this seasonal dumbing down has something to do with lower temperatures which slow the speed of neural connections in the brain. It’s science.

One must wonder, why important matters are scheduled during this time of diminished capacity? Let’s think about this for a moment. Critical issues are decided in cold months. Devastating events occur in these colder months, because of impaired decision-making ability. Our forefathers were sturdy folk, well accustomed to harsh winters and soon recognized that new immigrants to the New World could not adjust to the brutal cold conditions.

To maintain a firm hand on the rudder of our young nation, steps were taken to take advantage of what would be later named, Seasonal Affective Disorder. Elections are held in cold months when the give-a-shit level of the populous was at the lowest point. Low voter turnout is not a new phenomenon, it is by design. Fast forward to the present. How else could we hold such importance in the Iowa Caucuses and New Hampshire Presidential Primaries?

The two states combined, have a population less than the city of Los Angeles, or Phoenix, or New York, and notedly less diverse than the rest of the nation. Huh. If you believe the television news media, these two states control our destiny. This has to be a side effect of a seasonal thought disorder. There is no other explanation for the interest in, or reaction to Presidential debates (of both major parties) held before these frozen venues. It’s not that these people are lesioned-brained simpletons, it’s a form of seasonal temporary insanity. The can’t help themselves to cheer for the candidate speaking words, so yay for that.

Inaugurations, too, are held in January, arguably the coldest month, to avoid the critical thought processes to signal the brain, “What have we done?”

It’s not coincidence that Groundhog Day is another cold weather event. That furry little creature has the sense to stay in its warm little borrow until rousted out by a simpleton in a top hat. He wants nothing more than to be left alone and to go back in his hole for another six weeks. It would serve as a message to the gathered townsfolk if the creature bites. It’s still winter, go home, you’re drunk.

Groundhog Bites Mayor

The Winter Olympics are a testament to extreme poor decision making in cold weather. Clearly, brain circuitry is not functioning when a person straps their ass on a toboggan and shoots down a mountain head first.

Birth rates are highest in the summer, meaning poor decisions occurred when the mercury level dropped in the winter.

The fate of the Donner Part might have turned out differently if frigid weather had not played a part in their discussion making. It has to be very cold before Cousin Ida turns into a snack.

The Super Bowl is held in the winter months. Because at that point, no one really cares about the game between two teams you did’t give a hoot about during the regular season. When the viewing audience admits tuning in for the commercials, you know the cold weather has taken its toll on our neural network.

Based on what we’re seeing out there, it’s gonna be a long cold winter. Don’t make decisions you’ll regret after the thaw. Turn up the heater and preserve the brain cell count while you can. Be warm, my friends….