Crazy California Laws

You often hear the line, “We are a nation of laws,” and it’s usually associated with someone breaking one of those laws. But what is a law, really? I mean, sure, we know they are the boundary lines for living in a civilized society. Rules like, hey, don’t murder people, or don’t take shit that doesn’t belong to you–pretty basic stuff. But apparently, us human types need them or we tend to go off the rails.

The Golden Rule, the Ten Commandments, and the Magna Carta were enough to guide mankind for centuries, but it seems we’ve dumbed down into a mass of  pearl clutching, indecisive drones who need laws to guide every aspect of our day to day existence. Without laws directing our lives, we would turn to the darkness and anarchy. My home state of California seems to think we are one step away from the brink and need a little extra guidance…

For example, did you know:

It is unlawful to detonate a nuclear device within the city of Chico (there is a $500 fine for violation of this ordinance)

Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street in Arcadia

No one may annoy a lizard in a park within Fresno city limits

It is a misdemeanor to trap or harm birds in any cemetery, except for swallows–because screw swallows

It is illegal to own a rhinoceros in the city of Norco without a $100 permit

In Los Angeles, it is still illegal to wear a Zoot Suit…

So, I suppose it should have come as no great surprise that California has made plastic straws illegal. Sure, sure, I get the environmental argument here. We toss way too much waste into our landfills, waterways, and roadsides. I think that’s the real issue here. Making possession of a straw a criminal act goes too far, even for California.

The Use a Straw Go To Jail law was approved by Santa Barbara and “straw dealers” could face six months in jail. From my background in prison and jail systems, could you imagine sitting in a jail cell and the convict next to asks what you’re in for? Are you gonna tell Bruno that you’re in for possession of straws with intent?

There are those among us who snicker a bit at this kind of law making. Do we really need our overcrowded jails burdened with straw suckers? The people behind the laws, regulations and rules like these are so out of touch with the real world. So we must resist, as some of my associates out here in social media have done. I wish I knew the sources, because some of these are awesome!





  1. Soon there will be secret straw societies and Twitter will be shadow banning them!

    1. Oh, I like the secret straw society idea. Can we have a secret handshake too?

  2. Haha! If you’ve ever been to a city council meeting you’d understand how these silly laws come into being.

    1. JT, it is so fun to go see how laws are really made. I had quite an eye opener at the state capitol.

  3. Terell Byrd · · Reply

    Someone said 20 years ago there were enough laws on the books to find everyone guilty of something. I never thought it would get to the point of it being illegal to have a straw.

    By the way, why did we stop using paper straws?

    1. I know, right? I remember using those paper straws when I was a kid. You’d get your little carton of school milk with a paper straw and you’d have to sip it up fast before the straw got all soft and soggy.

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