The “Coming” is nigh and another sign of the Hipster End Of Days has been revealed unto us. An Apocalypse…
It started innocently enough, a day like any other. I’m supposed to be writing, because my “To Write” list has swollen to uncomfortable levels, and before I realize what’s happening, I’m drawn to Google, like a moth to a porch light – oh all the pretties.
I find an article, surely from a respected scholarly journal, that proclaims that beer sales for certain brands are falling. What does this have to do with my current writing project, you ask? Not a damn thing. Such is the darkness and torment of my distraction. Anyway, this article announces a sharp decline in beer consumption over the past five years. The nightly news reports of drunken people doing drunken things rules out a nationwide vow of sobriety.
Market research shows a trend to wine and hard spirits. But, the beer sales numbers are revealing…
Budweiser down 28.8%
Old Milwaukee down 54% (did anyone ever really drink this?)
Miller Genuine Draft down 56.4%
Budweiser Select down 61.5%
Michelob Light down 69.6%
Millions of dollars lost in a yeasty puddle.
Yet, brewers have a single bright light. Sales revenue for one brand exceed all expectations with an increase of over 74%. That single brand – Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Pabst Blue Ribbon, or PBR, as it’s known in some circles is the official beverage of choice for Hipsters, long before it became cool. It has nothing to do with the taste. I mean, for God’s sake, if Bear Grylls faced a trek across the sun parched Sahara Desert, he would drink his own pee before he succumbed to a PBR. Although, Bear tend to opt for the pee rather quickly.
The proliferation of PBR can only mean one thing. There are more Hipsters among us. This new yeast infection may be the harbinger announcing the End Of Days.
And we have this guy to thank.