Yet Another Sign of the Hipster Apocalypse

The “Coming” is nigh and another sign of the Hipster End Of Days has been revealed unto us. An Apocalypse…

Apocalypse Now Cat by libseterp via flickr creative commons

Apocalypse Now Cat by libseterp via flickr creative commons

It started innocently enough, a day like any other. I’m supposed to be writing, because my “To Write” list has swollen to uncomfortable levels, and before I realize what’s happening, I’m drawn to Google, like a moth to a porch light – oh all the pretties.

I find an article, surely from a respected scholarly journal, that proclaims that beer sales for certain brands are falling. What does this have to do with my current writing project, you ask? Not a damn thing. Such is the darkness and torment of my distraction. Anyway, this article announces a sharp decline in beer consumption over the past five years. The nightly news reports of drunken people doing drunken things rules out a nationwide vow of sobriety.

image by hublera via flickr creative commons

image by hublera via flickr creative commons

Market research shows a trend to wine and hard spirits. But, the beer sales numbers are revealing…

Budweiser down 28.8%
Old Milwaukee down 54% (did anyone ever really drink this?)
Miller Genuine Draft down 56.4%
Budweiser Select down 61.5%
Michelob Light down 69.6%

Millions of dollars lost in a yeasty puddle.

Yet, brewers have a single bright light. Sales revenue for one brand exceed all expectations with an increase of over 74%. That single brand – Pabst Blue Ribbon.

image by chad nicholson via flickr creative commons

image by chad nicholson via flickr creative commons

Pabst Blue Ribbon, or PBR, as it’s known in some circles is the official beverage of choice for Hipsters, long before it became cool. It has nothing to do with the taste.  I mean, for God’s sake, if Bear Grylls faced a trek across the sun parched Sahara Desert, he would drink his own pee before he succumbed to a PBR. Although, Bear tend to opt for the pee rather quickly.

The proliferation of PBR can only mean one thing. There are more Hipsters among us. This new yeast infection may be the harbinger announcing the End Of Days.

And we have this guy to thank.

Hipsters from Christopher Michel via flickr creative commons

Hipsters from Christopher Michel via flickr creative commons

I guess it really is in the water.
2013-03-05 11.50.14

Advertisements

11 comments

  1. stephanie710 · · Reply

    Very interesting and I never knew that PBR was the Hipster beer. See, this is why I have to keep up with your blog. Screw MSNBC. As for playing on the computer while our writing pile grows like bamboo in the wild—you know my history of eBay auctions. *sigh* You’ll get the writing done, as will I but you must continue this important research. Great post, as always. 🙂

    1. I’ve invested vast hours of social research into anything that will distract me from writing what I’m supposed to be writing. But, I’ll keep sacrificing and keep you up to date on all the critical pop culture oddities. As for you, stay off eBay, Dearie!

  2. Interesting – and frightening! – analysis. But seriously, did this article discuss craft beer at all? Because in my circles, everyone says that craft beer consumption is what’s driving the decline in boring-beer sales.

    1. I’ve seen a real increase in the craft and microbrews around here too. The article did hint that this might be drawing away some of the boring brew swillers, but not to the degree that PBR still lives.

      1. I’ll be sure to mention that at the Double IPA festival next month. SF Beer Week still can’t compete with PBR! Hmm, not sure how well that will go over…

      2. You won’t have to say a word. Simply stroll in with a can of PBR in your hand. Let me know how it goes…

      3. Oh, I will be shunned for sure! I’ll have to record the results – that’d be worth putting up on YouTube…

      4. I double dog dare you!!

      5. Ooh, the gauntlet is down! 😉

  3. James – you neglect to mention the real Pied Piper of PBR: Frank Booth (aka Dennis Hopper) in Blue Velvet. Who could ever forget “F— Heineken…PABST BLUE RIBBON!”

    1. Great example, Greg!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: