Doomsday? Here we go again…

I guess the secretive men in long black robes were bored and needed to conjure up new prophecies about the end of the world. I suppose they figured if they float one often enough, one of them is bound to come true.  Or, just true enough. In this year’s installment of the Doomsday Watch, we feature a planet slamming into the Earth. This rouge celestial body, a brown dwarf star named Nibiru, has an arrival time–September 23, 2017. That exact arrival makes me suspicious. Nibiru has obviously never experienced the delays in the customs arrival and departures lines.

What if this one is real-ish? A close call of a few million miles would be enough to cause havoc to the earth and sea. Huh, like the series of category 5 hurricanes that swept through the Caribbean in the last few weeks. Or the massive earthquakes in Mexico, the pacific rim and New Zealand. Maybe I should wait on paying bills for another week and put off the laundry for a few days.

Is there a planet hurtling through space to reset all life on earth? NASA says no. They’ve been tracking the heavens and they have assured that there is no impending planetary collision in the near future. A denial from “The Government” isn’t all that comforting to me. They couldn’t find weapons of mass destruction, or Amelia Airheart’s plane wreckage after all.

The current theory comes from a Christian numerologist, David Meade. His prophecy comes from the number of days since the last solar eclipse and numerological biblical connections. As the doomsday deadline comes closer, even Meade has backtracked on his prediction. I guess if you can’t see a giant planet streaking towards us, you have to reconsider your approach. Now he says, “A major part of the world will not be the same beginning October.”

All you have to do is open the Washington Post to see that. The state of the world has nothing to do with some Christian numerology theory. Numerology is numbers, numbers are math and math is bad. Easy-peasy. Debunked. The only time I thought my world was going to end was back in school when the minions of satan middle school teachers thought it would be great fun to torture us with math word problems. To this day, my eyes roll back in my head when I hear, “If a train traveling at 40 miles and hour.” First of all, get your ass on a faster train. Second, that train is going to be late anyway because of an unanticipated labor dispute.

We can add Meade to the list of failed doomsday prognosticators, Heaven’s Gate, Harold Camping (twice), Warren Jeffs, and that guy who holds up the cardboard sign on the freeway exit.

If the world does end (at least as we know it) on September 23rd, I finished my last novel–so I’ve got that going for me. And, I’ve been binge watching The Walking Dead to bone up on urban survival skills. So, this is for you, David Meade…

I’m not a R.E.M. fanatic, but this seems apropos: