To Pee or Not To Pee…

Family squabbles can be downright testy affairs. When family members pretend not to know one another, the outcome is a long blessed silence. When they take too much interest in the goings-on of a sibling, or an adult child, the results can take a nastier turn.

From the “Things Criminals Do” files, we have the not so happy Johnson family. (The names have been changed to protect the not so innocent) Mr. Johnson is driving his 30 year old still living at home son, Brian to the probation department. Brian was supposed to report the day before, but you see, Brian has a bit of a drug problem and felt that his demon of a probation officer would make him pee in a bottle and then it would be back to jail for Brian.

So Brian starts getting nervous and as Dad pulls the family car into the probation department parking lot, they argue and Brian throws open the door,  bailing out to the pavement. Now exactly how the events unfolded are a bit sketchy, but one interpretation of the play by play is that Dad wasn’t going to let Brian skip out on his probation officer, so he gently nudged him with the car. Or, he may have purposely hit his spawn. Some say Brian tripped and fell when he dove out of the car.

In any event, Dad drove over his wayward son breaking his pelvis, fibia and tibia. Technically, he didn’t make it inside the building to report to his probation officer, so I wonder if there was thought of revoking probation for that transgression.  But wait–they didn’t have to file that charge…

broken hip

Not the actual X-ray of Brian’s injury–but you know it had to hurt…

After Brian mended enough from getting run over by his own father, he beat his father half to death with a crutch. Brian is now in the county jail on charges of assault with a deadly weapon. Good news for Brian–he doesn’t need to worry about reporting to his probation officer. But wouldn’t it have been easier to pee when he was supposed to?

Ah the bliss that is family…



  1. Brings new meaning to Just do it!

    1. I’ve heard of someone with a shy bladder, but this guy went to a whole new level…

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